One of the reasons I am still standing, healthy and ready to cope with everyday life is that I am looking for ways to boost my self-esteem and be a confident mom most of the time, if not always. Through the difficulties I face I have found what my strengths and weaknesses are. You need to prepare your own strategy and analyze them like start-up businesses do in order to achieve their goals and promote their vision. This is the only way to have a competitive advantage in the vast market place and achieve their goals in the long run. It’s not easy, it takes courage and methodology. Together we can analyze our mother strategy!
Acceptance
The first and probably the most basic step as acknowledged by Psychology is to accept there is a certain deficiency or weakness in your life. Admit you have certain needs and stop considering yourself as a superwoman. I hate to break it to you but you are not, no one is…however you may feel like one at some point, it is possible. Stop trying to convince yourself that everything is great, they are not always great and that’s okay!
Recognition
Afterwards we can have a bit of introspection and let us point out what’s not been going so well, get a sense of it from the start. Strategy is all about research. Ask yourself the right questions. Just because you are a mom, which is the most magnificent and satisfying role in this life, doesn’t mean that you are always fulfilled and happy, that everything is running smoothly in your life and that your family is just like the commercials you watch on TV. Happy, smiling children eating quietly with their parents around a lovely table. I hate to break it to you again…but that’s pretty rare. Most families go through tough times and that’s okay too! Let’s find out what’s not going as well as we’d like and embrace it. Now we can start to plan our strategy.
Spacing when necessary
If you don’t feel ready to handle a difficult situation step away from it if you can for a few minutes, give that to yourself. There is no harm in walking away from an argument if you feel that words will be said that all parties will regret, either towards your children or to your partner. It’s best to let things settle down sometimes, let the anger out and then get back into it. It can only be beneficial to everyone. I have had moments where I felt very pressured and that if I stuck around there would be words said or outbursts made that I wouldn’t be able to wipe out afterwards so I chose to leave the room or the house completely. I went for a walk for a few minutes, got some fresh air, grabbed a coffee and when I came back everyone was calmer and magically everything fell into place without me trying too hard. Plus, I was proud of myself for not snapping and I wasn’t feeling guilty or ashamed of anything.
Communication
Good communication is the next strategic step. The fact that everything has calmed down, doesn’t mean that automatically the problem has been solved. On the contrary, it needs to be discussed and settled. It is certain that I will be able to get the best reaction if I bring up something that upsets me while we are both calm and not during an argument. The big secret to success here is the way I communicate what troubles me. I will not have it seem like I am blaming directly someone else especially the one I refer to, but by talking in third person I will only address the situation in question, a condition that is causing me negative feelings and I am encouraging my child, my partner, whom I consider important in my life, to help me find a solution. I will not use the words “you don’t respect my feelings, you don’t help me, you don’t listen to me when I talk, you….you and you” but I will say instead “I feel like I don’t have the help I need and I am alone, I feel like my words are not valued and I am very sad, how can we change that together?” Trust me, the response will be completely different and the goal will be much easier to achieve.
Network of people
Now that I have become aware of everything that is weighing me down, it is the right time to change it. Build a network around you that you can rely on. Start with your partner. If he hasn’t yet realized his own responsibilities it may now be the time to do so. Through our calm and beautiful encouragement, always speaking in the third person adressing the situation, we will give him the space to have the initiative and implement it. It’s okay if the children eat unhealthily while they are with their father, it’s okay if they watch too much TV. Give him the opportunity to take care of them too and let them develop their own special bond. If along the way you want to change his bad habits, you can pour him a glass of wine in the evening and in a calm and relaxed mood tell him in the way we’ve explained before: “darling, I have a concern that our children are not eating healthily and it is bad for them, how can we change that?
Once you’ve committed your partner to create their own time with the kids, get others involved, too. Grandma! Schedule one day a week to help you out with the kids because kids need grandma and mom needs a break. Perhaps even a close friend, a neighbor, a trustworthy person who can babysit the kids if you need to step away for any reason. The human network is the safety net to make sure….you are not alone!
Meet my own needs-Decompression
After having realised when to step away, how to communicate my anxiety to my partner without him thinking I put the blame on him, and how to build my network, it’s time to take care of myself!!!
Decompression is probably the most important element in staying calm, confident and ultimately meeting with all your goals. You are not only a mother and a partner you are above all a woman and you may have let it aside a bit but it’s time to bring it from the sidelines. Every person has desires, needs, dreams, aspirations and now you are probably more mature and settled than ever to pursue them. Begin by taking small steps, whatever that may mean to you. If I’m to speak for myself, I had some repressions and many dreams that I now realize I’ve suppressed. Why? I had a repressed desire to have a nose piercing. I finally did it when I was 38 years old. I had a longing to learn ballet, which I love. I took lessons. I had a dream to finish college and go on to get a master’s degree. I did and it was the best example I could set for my children. I was so excited about pursuing my dream that I didn’t feel exhaustion even though I was staying up late studying. I feel liberated, like I can still take on the world and at the end of the day, I feel so much happier.
No matter what every mommy and every woman desires, there is always a way and a solution to accomplish it, no matter how many roles she has taken on in her daily life. We have the power to obtain our goals as women and in the process you will feel a little bit like superwoman. I have done it myself and I’m very happy to share it with you. I’ll be even happier to get to know you and your thoughts in the comments below!
I’m Maggie and I’m a confident woman now!
